My Daddy

 I’d get these phone calls from my dad - which I’ve give anything to receive today - and he would leave this message if I couldn’t answer. There was this thread of joy in his voice and it was everything.

“Hey Juj, it’s Dad calling. It’s 8am my time and I was wondering what you are up to today. I hope you are doing something fun. I love you the most.”

His particular phrasing and the lilt in his tone immediately brought back all that was good in my childhood. He managed to infuse delight in every word.

In this period of time, Dad was on the West Coast and I was living on the East Coast, thus his need to distinguish time zones. As if our ridiculously expensive smart phones wouldn’t register the difference.

My favorite thing about these messages is his use of a nickname that HIS dad had initially given me. And that he always announced he was the person calling and when he was calling. Again smart phones.

I just really miss him.

We All Need Some Fresh Air

Somewhere, in the midst of all this crazy time at home - my nephew texts me. He asks what I’m doing for the next couple days. I respond, “Being awesome. But other than that not much.”

He tells me he wants to come visit & I was immediately all in, because Drew brings the party and joy wherever he goes. And boy do we need that right now. 

His 6 foot 6 inch self showed up here yesterday around dinner time. We set off on a mini tour of our little town & in search of some quality grub. We found that in giant cheeseburgers and fries. And awesome family stories.

After dinner we came back to our place & rewatched ‘Godzilla’ while Drew & Ella carried on a legit convo of Marvel vs. DC characters. I am pretty much always astounded at my 12 year old’s grasp on cinema, what she likes, and what she ‘stans.’ I was merely a witness to the back and forth dialogue and loved every minute.

These unexpected moments are the ones that re-fill my reserves. 20 year old nephews carving out time for family. Making quality cousin time and finding ways to connect. It was so fun to watch. Reminded me of MY cousins that I love so much!

All this just really points to the testament of how my brother parented his 3 kids & 2 bonus kids. He was honest, open, and at times strict. But it was all done with so much love. He is my parenting hero!

Before Drew arrived, my brother sent a text saying, “Have fun with my son!” It just made me grateful all over again for my family. 

This One

She was born in my heart. No doubt about that. I’ve made a purposeful decision to parent without judgement, to welcome and gently direct this beautiful person. It is the best thing I’ve ever done. 

I’ve given her the power call me out if I overstep into her space & squash her feelings. Because I do. Often. We clash about dumb stuff - how ‘I think’ her room should be, or how she should handle her business with friends. And school...ugh. Thanks Covid-19.

We are two separate people but we truly respect each other. We have a dialogue that works for us. We use words as much as we can. And when they fail, we say, “I need space.” 

She is so pure & resolute with her emotions. I know people say parenting teens is so hard. And it is, for sure. But, oh, it can be SO good!

Yesterday, we sat on the couch and read together for over an hour. We shared parts of what we liked about our books & ways we could make real life better. She has brilliant ideas, I’m encouraged for our future. 

Then she said: “I like hanging out with you because you’re interesting.”

And that’s possibly the biggest mic drop ever.

Whatever happens next? Well, that’s just extra icing on the cake. Or, the guacamole for your nachos. 

Updating The Old CV

Nowhere is it listed that I am a barber or teacher or even stay-at-home parent. Yet I’ve been assigned all these jobs in the last couple months. And the jobs will continue for the foreseeable future. 

I did not chose any of these new professions. I wish I could tell you I’ve handled it with grace but I have not. There have been many grumbles and sighs and so many eye rolls I may need a chiropractor.

I have been furloughed indefinitely and mandated by state and county to ‘stay at home.’ I am unable to function as I normally would. Our state and federal government has denied me unemployment because, “They didn’t like the photo of my ID I sent in.” (I really wish I was kidding on this one.) ((I immediately appealed.))

I cannot contribute financially to our budget and therefore our goals have changed from 'save' to 'survive.' This has hurt me far more than having to cut my husband’s hair or sit at the kitchen table managing my daughter’s schoolwork. Having our financial course re-routed makes the staying at home even more frustrating.

I have no idea how this will all play out or when things here in So Cal will open. Until then, I’ll be here on the patio, clippers in hand, or at the kitchen table, holding it together with equal amounts stubbornness and love.

Stay well, friends!

Real Life Love Story

Real life is sticky. Messy. But so beautiful.

I fell in love with my husband when I was 22 but it just wasn’t a ‘happily ever after’ scenario. Life rarely follows storybook plot lines. Regardless of the emotions we shared - choices, situations, and people pulled us apart.

But all the good in this life brought us back together. Even with acknowledging that obvious initial connection, how we came to be ‘us’ in our 40s was nothing short of a miracle. 

And then to find Ella shortly after marrying and bring her home with us a few months later, well, that really was the sprinkles on top of the frosting of the best cupcake anyone’s ever had.

What an amazing story we have lived…ask us in person if you have the time. In any instance, I think the whole thing is pretty cool. 13 years in and he's still #1 in my book.

A lot of life happened between our first meeting and our reconnection but the beauty of having the opportunity to make a thoughtful choice to be together in our 40s is not lost on us.

The real takeaway here is that true love wins. All the time. Every time.  

Some Thoughts Mid Lock-down

I don’t want to be super prickly about this…but there are things that need to be addressed. We are in week Lord-knows-what of quarantine and I cannot get some images out of my head.

When things got crazy (publicly) mid March - nobody monitored anything at grocery stores. Nobody knew we had to, so it was a free-for-all with a ‘first come, first serve mentality’ in our supermarkets. 

It still disgusts me that most people’s immediate reaction was to be selfish.

In my routine market trip on March 17th, I saw people with carts FULL of food…some even had two carts. Boxes and boxes of non-perishable food. Dozens of canned goods. Mountains of paper products. I really wish I was kidding.

The bare shelves were eerie. Toilet paper, paper towels, pasta, soup, beans, rice…pretty much anything that can be stored was gone. Talk about herd mentality!

My real wish is that all those people are eating pasta and canned soup every single day and letting nothing they purchased in fear go to waste. Rather than supporting small businesses in whatever way they could, people frantically overbought…in a spectacular fashion.

I’m hoping we are close to the end of quarantine in California…and those people who bought groceries like they were living The Hunger Games should continue to stay home and properly consume everything they purchased. 

The End.

Or maybe it’s the beginning of learning to live without fear and selfishness. I can only hope.

Gratitude Journal, Looking at Week Four

This week was a lot. I mean, a lot! Some good, some not-so-good, some downright crazy and some serious AtHomeItis. (Totally a word.)

I've now watched all the current seasons of Returning the Favor and ugly cried pretty much every time. Let's label it catharsis. https://www.facebook.com/ReturningTheFavor/ Also, I don't like Mike Rowe anymore. (So not true because I just bought his damn book.)

Just we've almost approached a sort of routine for homeschooling...now E has Spring Break this week. I can't even with this ish.

I can sum up the totality of our situation with a quote from E as I was vibing a little Jo-Bro tonight, singing "What a Man Gotta Do" and naturally had to dance. Chris may have joined and and over our singing and dancing, E remarked, "And this is how I die. In quarantine, with my parents dancing."

We are killing this parenting thing, Covid-19, and homeschooling...all in one booty shake.