Updating The Old CV

Nowhere is it listed that I am a barber or teacher or even stay-at-home parent. Yet I’ve been assigned all these jobs in the last couple months. And the jobs will continue for the foreseeable future. 

I did not chose any of these new professions. I wish I could tell you I’ve handled it with grace but I have not. There have been many grumbles and sighs and so many eye rolls I may need a chiropractor.

I have been furloughed indefinitely and mandated by state and county to ‘stay at home.’ I am unable to function as I normally would. Our state and federal government has denied me unemployment because, “They didn’t like the photo of my ID I sent in.” (I really wish I was kidding on this one.) ((I immediately appealed.))

I cannot contribute financially to our budget and therefore our goals have changed from 'save' to 'survive.' This has hurt me far more than having to cut my husband’s hair or sit at the kitchen table managing my daughter’s schoolwork. Having our financial course re-routed makes the staying at home even more frustrating.

I have no idea how this will all play out or when things here in So Cal will open. Until then, I’ll be here on the patio, clippers in hand, or at the kitchen table, holding it together with equal amounts stubbornness and love.

Stay well, friends!

Real Life Love Story

Real life is sticky. Messy. But so beautiful.

I fell in love with my husband when I was 22 but it just wasn’t a ‘happily ever after’ scenario. Life rarely follows storybook plot lines. Regardless of the emotions we shared - choices, situations, and people pulled us apart.

But all the good in this life brought us back together. Even with acknowledging that obvious initial connection, how we came to be ‘us’ in our 40s was nothing short of a miracle. 

And then to find Ella shortly after marrying and bring her home with us a few months later, well, that really was the sprinkles on top of the frosting of the best cupcake anyone’s ever had.

What an amazing story we have lived…ask us in person if you have the time. In any instance, I think the whole thing is pretty cool. 13 years in and he's still #1 in my book.

A lot of life happened between our first meeting and our reconnection but the beauty of having the opportunity to make a thoughtful choice to be together in our 40s is not lost on us.

The real takeaway here is that true love wins. All the time. Every time.  

Some Thoughts Mid Lock-down

I don’t want to be super prickly about this…but there are things that need to be addressed. We are in week Lord-knows-what of quarantine and I cannot get some images out of my head.

When things got crazy (publicly) mid March - nobody monitored anything at grocery stores. Nobody knew we had to, so it was a free-for-all with a ‘first come, first serve mentality’ in our supermarkets. 

It still disgusts me that most people’s immediate reaction was to be selfish.

In my routine market trip on March 17th, I saw people with carts FULL of food…some even had two carts. Boxes and boxes of non-perishable food. Dozens of canned goods. Mountains of paper products. I really wish I was kidding.

The bare shelves were eerie. Toilet paper, paper towels, pasta, soup, beans, rice…pretty much anything that can be stored was gone. Talk about herd mentality!

My real wish is that all those people are eating pasta and canned soup every single day and letting nothing they purchased in fear go to waste. Rather than supporting small businesses in whatever way they could, people frantically overbought…in a spectacular fashion.

I’m hoping we are close to the end of quarantine in California…and those people who bought groceries like they were living The Hunger Games should continue to stay home and properly consume everything they purchased. 

The End.

Or maybe it’s the beginning of learning to live without fear and selfishness. I can only hope.

Gratitude Journal, Looking at Week Four

This week was a lot. I mean, a lot! Some good, some not-so-good, some downright crazy and some serious AtHomeItis. (Totally a word.)

I've now watched all the current seasons of Returning the Favor and ugly cried pretty much every time. Let's label it catharsis. https://www.facebook.com/ReturningTheFavor/ Also, I don't like Mike Rowe anymore. (So not true because I just bought his damn book.)

Just we've almost approached a sort of routine for homeschooling...now E has Spring Break this week. I can't even with this ish.

I can sum up the totality of our situation with a quote from E as I was vibing a little Jo-Bro tonight, singing "What a Man Gotta Do" and naturally had to dance. Chris may have joined and and over our singing and dancing, E remarked, "And this is how I die. In quarantine, with my parents dancing."

We are killing this parenting thing, Covid-19, and homeschooling...all in one booty shake.

Gratitude Journal Week Three

Taking a bit of a different approach in titles as our new stay-at-home order extends to pretty much May. And let's be frank, I didn't expect this to play out differently.

To backtrack a bit: once I heard the news that our studio was closing on March 16th, I took a moment...I walked through our two practice rooms, the prop room, both locker rooms and I paused - because I really don't know when I'll be in that space again.

I miss that place and the people I've come to love more than I can express. 💖

We are at the crux of this virus and the more we stay home, the faster we get back to our 'normal' lives. Whatever that will look like. As of right now there are not even enough tests to determine who 'has it' or who has the plain old flu. Much less hospital beds and ventilators for those who require them.

And I've got a serious side eye going to those "celebs" who pull that do-you-know-who-I-am card to get tests for themselves in front of those needed for real people at risk. Nobody is that special.

In a conversation with my brother today (who is in the health care industry) he said our entire future is going to be altered. Our outlook will be forever changed. Our ongoing behaviors will play out differently as a result of this global pandemic.

Remember how 9/11 irrevocably moved our collective conscious...this experience will be remembered much the same. It's not a terrorist attack that is pushing the needle this time but in some ways it's scarier. It's our neighbors who insist on pool parties, or beach bonfires, or something as small as a playdate that perpetuate this epidemic.

I know it's hard. I  know it's frustrating, I know it's boring. But please, STAY HOME!

Gratitude Journal Day Twelve

(I totally had to look up how to write out 12. Just keepin' it real.)

It's amazing how a couple purposeful actions can swing things around mentally. Really need to write this stuff down to remember it.

Wait...that's exactly what this is. 🙌

I got the most wonderful 'check in' text from a new friend today AND she invited me to a Virtual Coffee Hour tomorrow in the company of what sounds like some awesome ladies ready to dive into bigger emotional depth in life. I'm a little nervous, but in the words of Kevin Pearson, "I'm all in."

(Don't even pretend that season finale didn't uplift and wreck you at the same time!)

This afternoon, my lovely manager (and friend!) hosted a virtual yoga class that my company calls "Restore" and boy, it sure lived up to its name. The stretches were great but the most special part was hearing her voice and seeing the faces of people I miss dearly.

So today? I am relishing community and I cannot wait to hug EVERYONE again sometime soon!

Gratitude Journal Day Ten/Eleven

These are crazy times. I've begun limiting my access to social media because while the memes are amusing, the anxiety produced by the constant flood of information is not.

I can only imagine how scary it must be for people who are sole wage earners or those two income families who had both people laid off.

This will NOT be a political blog ever - but I simply cannot see how a stimulus package will help everyone. There are too many people in this position. In my state there were an unprecedented amount of people - literally millions - who filed for unemployment last week. Most of which for the first time.

I am grateful that we have resources to have me stay at home for an undetermined time. Things are going to be very challenging, but we will get through it.

Today I am grateful for the black beans soaking in the crock pot for Caribbean Black Bean Soup to feed my family tonight. It will be healthy, delicious, and enough for two meals.

I'm turning my focus back to the healing things I can do - even something as simple as a meal - and not what I cannot control.