We All Need Some Fresh Air

Somewhere, in the midst of all this crazy time at home - my nephew texts me. He asks what I’m doing for the next couple days. I respond, “Being awesome. But other than that not much.”

He tells me he wants to come visit & I was immediately all in, because Drew brings the party and joy wherever he goes. And boy do we need that right now. 

His 6 foot 6 inch self showed up here yesterday around dinner time. We set off on a mini tour of our little town & in search of some quality grub. We found that in giant cheeseburgers and fries. And awesome family stories.

After dinner we came back to our place & rewatched ‘Godzilla’ while Drew & Ella carried on a legit convo of Marvel vs. DC characters. I am pretty much always astounded at my 12 year old’s grasp on cinema, what she likes, and what she ‘stans.’ I was merely a witness to the back and forth dialogue and loved every minute.

These unexpected moments are the ones that re-fill my reserves. 20 year old nephews carving out time for family. Making quality cousin time and finding ways to connect. It was so fun to watch. Reminded me of MY cousins that I love so much!

All this just really points to the testament of how my brother parented his 3 kids & 2 bonus kids. He was honest, open, and at times strict. But it was all done with so much love. He is my parenting hero!

Before Drew arrived, my brother sent a text saying, “Have fun with my son!” It just made me grateful all over again for my family. 

This One

She was born in my heart. No doubt about that. I’ve made a purposeful decision to parent without judgement, to welcome and gently direct this beautiful person. It is the best thing I’ve ever done. 

I’ve given her the power call me out if I overstep into her space & squash her feelings. Because I do. Often. We clash about dumb stuff - how ‘I think’ her room should be, or how she should handle her business with friends. And school...ugh. Thanks Covid-19.

We are two separate people but we truly respect each other. We have a dialogue that works for us. We use words as much as we can. And when they fail, we say, “I need space.” 

She is so pure & resolute with her emotions. I know people say parenting teens is so hard. And it is, for sure. But, oh, it can be SO good!

Yesterday, we sat on the couch and read together for over an hour. We shared parts of what we liked about our books & ways we could make real life better. She has brilliant ideas, I’m encouraged for our future. 

Then she said: “I like hanging out with you because you’re interesting.”

And that’s possibly the biggest mic drop ever.

Whatever happens next? Well, that’s just extra icing on the cake. Or, the guacamole for your nachos. 

Updating The Old CV

Nowhere is it listed that I am a barber or teacher or even stay-at-home parent. Yet I’ve been assigned all these jobs in the last couple months. And the jobs will continue for the foreseeable future. 

I did not chose any of these new professions. I wish I could tell you I’ve handled it with grace but I have not. There have been many grumbles and sighs and so many eye rolls I may need a chiropractor.

I have been furloughed indefinitely and mandated by state and county to ‘stay at home.’ I am unable to function as I normally would. Our state and federal government has denied me unemployment because, “They didn’t like the photo of my ID I sent in.” (I really wish I was kidding on this one.) ((I immediately appealed.))

I cannot contribute financially to our budget and therefore our goals have changed from 'save' to 'survive.' This has hurt me far more than having to cut my husband’s hair or sit at the kitchen table managing my daughter’s schoolwork. Having our financial course re-routed makes the staying at home even more frustrating.

I have no idea how this will all play out or when things here in So Cal will open. Until then, I’ll be here on the patio, clippers in hand, or at the kitchen table, holding it together with equal amounts stubbornness and love.

Stay well, friends!

Real Life Love Story

Real life is sticky. Messy. But so beautiful.

I fell in love with my husband when I was 22 but it just wasn’t a ‘happily ever after’ scenario. Life rarely follows storybook plot lines. Regardless of the emotions we shared - choices, situations, and people pulled us apart.

But all the good in this life brought us back together. Even with acknowledging that obvious initial connection, how we came to be ‘us’ in our 40s was nothing short of a miracle. 

And then to find Ella shortly after marrying and bring her home with us a few months later, well, that really was the sprinkles on top of the frosting of the best cupcake anyone’s ever had.

What an amazing story we have lived…ask us in person if you have the time. In any instance, I think the whole thing is pretty cool. 13 years in and he's still #1 in my book.

A lot of life happened between our first meeting and our reconnection but the beauty of having the opportunity to make a thoughtful choice to be together in our 40s is not lost on us.

The real takeaway here is that true love wins. All the time. Every time.  

Some Thoughts Mid Lock-down

I don’t want to be super prickly about this…but there are things that need to be addressed. We are in week Lord-knows-what of quarantine and I cannot get some images out of my head.

When things got crazy (publicly) mid March - nobody monitored anything at grocery stores. Nobody knew we had to, so it was a free-for-all with a ‘first come, first serve mentality’ in our supermarkets. 

It still disgusts me that most people’s immediate reaction was to be selfish.

In my routine market trip on March 17th, I saw people with carts FULL of food…some even had two carts. Boxes and boxes of non-perishable food. Dozens of canned goods. Mountains of paper products. I really wish I was kidding.

The bare shelves were eerie. Toilet paper, paper towels, pasta, soup, beans, rice…pretty much anything that can be stored was gone. Talk about herd mentality!

My real wish is that all those people are eating pasta and canned soup every single day and letting nothing they purchased in fear go to waste. Rather than supporting small businesses in whatever way they could, people frantically overbought…in a spectacular fashion.

I’m hoping we are close to the end of quarantine in California…and those people who bought groceries like they were living The Hunger Games should continue to stay home and properly consume everything they purchased. 

The End.

Or maybe it’s the beginning of learning to live without fear and selfishness. I can only hope.

Gratitude Journal, Looking at Week Four

This week was a lot. I mean, a lot! Some good, some not-so-good, some downright crazy and some serious AtHomeItis. (Totally a word.)

I've now watched all the current seasons of Returning the Favor and ugly cried pretty much every time. Let's label it catharsis. https://www.facebook.com/ReturningTheFavor/ Also, I don't like Mike Rowe anymore. (So not true because I just bought his damn book.)

Just we've almost approached a sort of routine for homeschooling...now E has Spring Break this week. I can't even with this ish.

I can sum up the totality of our situation with a quote from E as I was vibing a little Jo-Bro tonight, singing "What a Man Gotta Do" and naturally had to dance. Chris may have joined and and over our singing and dancing, E remarked, "And this is how I die. In quarantine, with my parents dancing."

We are killing this parenting thing, Covid-19, and homeschooling...all in one booty shake.

Gratitude Journal Week Three

Taking a bit of a different approach in titles as our new stay-at-home order extends to pretty much May. And let's be frank, I didn't expect this to play out differently.

To backtrack a bit: once I heard the news that our studio was closing on March 16th, I took a moment...I walked through our two practice rooms, the prop room, both locker rooms and I paused - because I really don't know when I'll be in that space again.

I miss that place and the people I've come to love more than I can express. 💖

We are at the crux of this virus and the more we stay home, the faster we get back to our 'normal' lives. Whatever that will look like. As of right now there are not even enough tests to determine who 'has it' or who has the plain old flu. Much less hospital beds and ventilators for those who require them.

And I've got a serious side eye going to those "celebs" who pull that do-you-know-who-I-am card to get tests for themselves in front of those needed for real people at risk. Nobody is that special.

In a conversation with my brother today (who is in the health care industry) he said our entire future is going to be altered. Our outlook will be forever changed. Our ongoing behaviors will play out differently as a result of this global pandemic.

Remember how 9/11 irrevocably moved our collective conscious...this experience will be remembered much the same. It's not a terrorist attack that is pushing the needle this time but in some ways it's scarier. It's our neighbors who insist on pool parties, or beach bonfires, or something as small as a playdate that perpetuate this epidemic.

I know it's hard. I  know it's frustrating, I know it's boring. But please, STAY HOME!

Gratitude Journal Day Twelve

(I totally had to look up how to write out 12. Just keepin' it real.)

It's amazing how a couple purposeful actions can swing things around mentally. Really need to write this stuff down to remember it.

Wait...that's exactly what this is. 🙌

I got the most wonderful 'check in' text from a new friend today AND she invited me to a Virtual Coffee Hour tomorrow in the company of what sounds like some awesome ladies ready to dive into bigger emotional depth in life. I'm a little nervous, but in the words of Kevin Pearson, "I'm all in."

(Don't even pretend that season finale didn't uplift and wreck you at the same time!)

This afternoon, my lovely manager (and friend!) hosted a virtual yoga class that my company calls "Restore" and boy, it sure lived up to its name. The stretches were great but the most special part was hearing her voice and seeing the faces of people I miss dearly.

So today? I am relishing community and I cannot wait to hug EVERYONE again sometime soon!

Gratitude Journal Day Ten/Eleven

These are crazy times. I've begun limiting my access to social media because while the memes are amusing, the anxiety produced by the constant flood of information is not.

I can only imagine how scary it must be for people who are sole wage earners or those two income families who had both people laid off.

This will NOT be a political blog ever - but I simply cannot see how a stimulus package will help everyone. There are too many people in this position. In my state there were an unprecedented amount of people - literally millions - who filed for unemployment last week. Most of which for the first time.

I am grateful that we have resources to have me stay at home for an undetermined time. Things are going to be very challenging, but we will get through it.

Today I am grateful for the black beans soaking in the crock pot for Caribbean Black Bean Soup to feed my family tonight. It will be healthy, delicious, and enough for two meals.

I'm turning my focus back to the healing things I can do - even something as simple as a meal - and not what I cannot control.

Gratitude Journal Day Eight/Nine

Not gonna lie, this second week in isolation hit hard. Still trying to sort things on an emotional level and not react to false information or give way to panic. The uncertainty is exhausting and weighted with other life changes, well, I'm just trying not to crack. Or maybe figure out how to crack softly rather than exploding.

Keeping connected with my people really helps. I'm loving the virtual things going on right now...I miss the in person chats and hugs, but even virtual touches are healing.

Two things I am grateful for today:

I got to live chat with my niece yesterday for over an hour. I absolutely adore her and ANY time spent with her is filled with laughs, memories, and so much love.

And then today, my daughter figured out how to create an acai bowl - which means she's on breakfast duty for the foreseeable future.

Hang in there, friends!

Gratitude Journal Day Seven

You guys...that huge superstore who's name starts with 'W' had toilet paper today! A neighbor told me and my keys were in hand faster than butter melts in a hot skillet.

Not only that, they had an employee monitoring the area and reminding everyone ONE item per person. (Which applied to wipes, TP, paper towels, etc. - SO smart!)

* In other news, I'm back to drinking as much water as I should. :-)

We're gonna get through this and I have to believe we're going to be changed as a nation. In a good way. Nothing like some enforced down time and a few supply shortages to put things in perspective.

I am grateful for a sense of humor...and freaking toilet paper!

Gratitude Journal Day Five/Six

I missed posting yesterday but it's ok. Not going to beat myself up over it.

Back today with a story you couldn't make up if you tried.

As per our 'new normal,' we went on a family walk this morning. We wandered around our neighborhood, completing our usual loop. It was nice to see other people out and about, waving and saying, "Hello!"

And then we came across this couple at an intersection - on the opposite side of the street. Once they spotted us, the man grabbed the woman's arm and they both froze in place, waiting to see what we were going to do. I felt bad because they both looked panicked but didn't say a word.

My little family quickly hustled around the corner and down our street, never getting within 50 feet of the couple. I hope they are okay and safe but the experience left me a bit sad.

This lingering feeling of sadness hasn't let go yet...I mean, were they truly scared of us? Or were they worried about infecting us? Who knows.

I'm trying to do my best to live in love and faith in all this - some days it's easier than others.

Gratitude Journal Day Four

Wow! I am so thankful for social media connection in these times of isolation.

Today I virtually attended a tarot reading, a yoga class, and a happy hour - all from the comfort of my home.

I love that so many people are using social media to find ways to reach out and bless others with their gifts.

Gratitude Journal Day Three

Today my whole family (3 humans and 1 doggo) took a walk. At 10am. On a Thursday. 

Stuff like that only happens on vacation.

We walked through the Village and stopped for a quick photo here:

It was healing to put aside anxiety and uncertainty for a moment and enjoy moving and breathing. The mental shift the fresh air provided is no small thing either.

I am grateful for family, the ability to exercise, and sunshine.

Gratitude Journal Day Two

Today's offering? A completely empty laundry hamper.

No darks, colors or light clothing. Nada.

The amount of laundry we 3 generate each week still amazes me.

Reminds me of that saying: 'Based on the amount of laundry I do each week, 

more people than I am aware of live in this house.'

But today my hamper is empty and heart is full.

(Cheesy I know, but bear with me.)

Gratitude Journal Day One

In light of all the self-isolation, social-distancing, and general crazy around our current health crisis - I thought I'd challenge myself to find something to be grateful for every single day and write about it.

I'm going to be looking for the not-so-profound things I might miss in our regular schedule. Those small gestures offered up that could be overlooked in our daily hustle. A moment of peace that isn't compromised by 'busy.'

Here's a photo of something that made me really happy today!

I know, it's a made bed. NBD, right? But hear me out...

I am Team Make-Your-Bed. I am a bed-maker from well, ever since I can remember. I make my bed immediately after getting out of bed. Even before coffee. 

However, due to my current schedule of opening the studio 4 mornings a week, I typically come come to an unmade bed, as hubs couldn't care less about this task. It hurts me every day. (Not really.)

But seriously, it makes me feel disorganized and undisciplined and I do not like to live in that space.

Today, Day One of EVERYBODYSTAYATHOME, I made my bed. And life is good.

Sooo, funny story…

I have started a text message, 2 emails (one work-related no less), and 3 conversations like that this past week. Not kidding. It’s like I’m at a place in life where incredible things are happening. Some within my control and some totally off board and possibly from outer space.

Or maybe not. 

Maybe these happenings are totally random...and maybe they are wishes being manifested. Either way, I am in. And resoundingly open. (I've taken to reminding myself multiple times a day to stay that way!)

Let me give you two ‘for instances.’

1. I have long dreamed of a job, in a profession that I love, where I can truly be me. Detail oriented, thoughtful, goofy, sarcastic, joyful, and possibly unorthodox.

I have that. 

2, My husband and I always dreamed of retiring in San Diego, CA.

Guess where we live. (Despite being nowhere near retiring.)

Is life perfect now? Hell no. Is it all good? Same answer. Are there completely crap days on a regular basis? Yep. Even so, the positivity I allow in can alter a pattern. Change a course. Maybe even make someone's day.

Yep, I am paying attention to all of this. 

Not long after relocating my brother asked me, “Has it sunk in yet? Where you live?” I replied, “I’m not sure.” Honestly, I hope it never settles in and I am in a perpetual state of awe and appreciation.

Good Memories and Funny Mistakes

Below is a fuller version of a story I shared at dad's service. I'm so glad I made notes of what I wanted say because I absolutely do not remember the majority of it. As much as I dislike speakers who simply 'read' their remarks, I am forever grateful I did.

**********

My dad really enjoyed being right. And he was, more often than not. He was one of the smartest people I know and loved learning about new things, whether by reading or experiencing them. He was forever open to new adventures, people, and places.

Years ago, I was living and working in a small-ish seaside town in Nor Cal. My parents and siblings decided to ditch the central valley and spend a weekend in another town just to the south of me. (This town was famous for having a celeb mayor with the catch phrase, "Go ahead, make my day.")

But I digress.

My dad called me with directions to where they were staying and I diligently wrote them down. Yes, handwritten directions...this was long before printing mapquest directions, and light years from google maps or waze. It was the early days of cell phones too, when they were huge and clunky with horrible connections and mostly you had to shout to be heard.

I made it to the town they were in but could not seem to find the exit dad specified. I drove up and down the coast several times before I finally decided to call him. (Remember cell phone calls were SO expensive back then!)

While talking with him, I told him I could't find the "Fern Sin" exit he'd mentioned earlier. He was a bit testy with me and said several times that the exit is clearly marked. He remarked maybe I wasn't looking closely enough. Umm, ok.

Finally I said, "Dad, I can't find "Fern Sin" anywhere, but I keep driving by a "Fern Canyon" exit that's abbreviated, "Fern C-y-n."

Dad was silent for a long moment and then he said, "Take that exit."

**********

We laughed about it later and it evolved into a running joke in our family. A placemarker to remind us even the most intelligent people miss things. Make mistakes. Get confused. And that it's ok. It might eventually become a story you'll love to retell.

13 months, dad, and there's so much I want to tell you about.

Beautiful Beginnings

I am still kind of amazed at the circumstances that placed me where I am today. Both the good and the hard parts. I didn’t understand all the moving pieces while they were flying about, but I can easily see why I am here now. 

The studio where I work has quickly become another beautiful part of this life’s journey. I know where I come from - shout out to #fusionfamily - so I recognize where there’s a wonderful foundation for love, connection, and growth.

My co-workers are all - without exception - professional, uplifting, witty, understanding & generous with their knowledge as we’ve all together ‘learned the ropes’ of opening a brand new location. And we have so much fun connecting with each other every week.

I KNOW. It sounds too good to be true. But it really, truly is!

Then, we get to turn around and offer all this goodness to our members…and that is an incredible thing. In fact it is a huge thing in this industry. It’s what sets us apart from the (literally) hundreds of studios in the surrounding area. I’m so proud to tell people where I work!

As I think about 2020, I anticipate reaching new goals, both personally and professionally. And the best bit? I know I’ll be well-supported in both at this company.

Now that’s a Happy New Year!