Now that your chosen family has all publicly shared remembrances in your honor, I thought I’d post my own.
I hope you don’t mind me using your nickname. You mentioned in your memoir that your friends all call you Matty and as you ‘lived’ in my house for ten years, in a weird way I feel qualified to use it.
Without exception, every Thursday night, I raced home to hang out with you. And all our other friends. I nearly didn’t sign up for a grad school class because it was only offered Thursday nights…I created a pros and cons list and everything.
School won, by the way, but only barely. Primarily because I found out you could program a VCR.
I quickly realized this was not ideal because even if you figured out how to set it correctly, it invariably missed the opener or cut off the ending scene as credits rolled. There may have been yelling involved.
You’ll be happy to know I eventually just set the dang thing to record EVERYTHING on Thursday night because ER came on at 10 and I wasn’t missing that either.
I’ve followed you all these years, the great stuff, the not-so-good bits, all of it. You were always our favorite friend yet we had no idea the darkness and depth of your battles. It seems so unfair you left when you did - more peaceful, rebuilding yourself, and dedicated to giving back in immeasurable ways.
Maybe when you met God in your kitchen, he truly guided the rest of your way on earth. Maybe you leaving us now could actually be his way of acknowledging your earthly struggle, alleviating your pain, and honoring your hard-won personal growth.
I don’t know how all that works. I just know I’m so sad.
The accolades are endless, such incredible memories from all the wonderful people who knew you in person. Your generosity, unparalleled wit, kindness, impeccable timing, gift of encouragement. Your sense of humor and way with words remain unmatched.
You should also know there are literally millions of us who have loved you from afar for decades.
Even if you never did “Friends” and were celebrated globally, you’ve left behind a giant space in humankind. One that we’re not sure how to fill. And every last one of us is heartbroken. I only wish you could have felt that while still here. I hope you can now.
To honor your request of remembrance, we’ll focus on the direct impact you’ve had on addiction awareness, treatment, and recovery. Along with the countless people you’ve helped in your time here. We’ll take that forward in your name, Mattman.
You did it. In only 54 years. You lived well, you loved well, and you were a seeker.
You also helped me understand my daddy better. Because of your brutal bravery in sharing your struggles, it offered me a different way to see him. And a softer, more empathetic place to view his own passing. I am forever grateful for that too.
I hope you’ll allow me to say this one tiny thing - for me - in memory of all our years ‘together’…
Could you BE any more missed?
